Bunchland

We wanted to speak to some famous Jews about Passover. Writer and Bad Mother Ayelet Waldman reluctantly agreed.

So, in our pre-interview discussion, you warned me that you hate Passover. Why is that?

Because I am Jewish and thus do constant battle with my bowels. The LAST thing I need is to spend 8 days ingesting cement. Plus that dinner is too damn long.

What does your family do for Passover?

We clean the Chametz out of the house, we drive ourselves insane eating nothing but cardboard ground up and reconstituted to resemble bread, cookies, cake etc., and we have a seder at which we beat one another about the head and shoulders with scallions.

What are some parts of Passover that you sort of like/are able to stand?

I like the scallion part. And the Morrocan date balls that we eat instead of the loathsome charoset made of apples and Manischewitz that used to be one of my least favorite things about the holiday. Also, I like gefilte fish, now that Michael [Chabon, her husband] makes it by hand with really good fish. Who knew gefilte fish was just a canelle?

What are some traditions that you have no choice but to pass on to your kids?

I have to pass it all down. Otherwise Hitler won.

Have you ever been to or led a non-traditional seder and do they make it more bearable for you or more deplorable?

I only do non-traditional seders now. The traditional ones take too damn long. Plus they’re boring. We use an alternative Haggadah, and we lose focus about halfway through.

Ayelet Waldman is the author of Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace and most recently, Red Hook Road. She Tweets here.