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By Meri Perra

I don’t know if you noticed, but we lesbians are the hot thing this Mother’s Day.

The New Yorker featured a lesbian couple on their cover (in the nicest kitchen I’ve ever seen in a lesbian-headed household). Google gave us a shout-out in their Mother’s Day video:


And BuzzFeed has a list of 15 Mother’s Day Cards for Wonderful Lesbian Moms. (My favourite is the Charlie Sheen one, which is the only time you’ll ever hear me use “Charlie Sheen” and “favourite” in the same sentence.)

So what gives? Why can’t we celebrate our day better? Especially in my house.

In my house Mothers’ Day is a day just like any other.

There are just as many dishes, mess, lack of sleep, whining – except we get handmade cards from our girls that daycare staff have had our children make a double set of for each of us. These cards melt our hearts every year. They’re beautiful. But I want Brunch.

Actually, I want more than brunch – let’s fantasize right at least.

I want to sleep in, uninterrupted. I want to come downstairs – only when I’m truly rested – to happy, clean children in a happy, clean, sun-filled room with a beautiful brunch set on our happy, clean table.

With fresh flowers in the centre. And freshly squeezed juice on the side. All prepared for by my happy, clean, doting partner.

Straight Mother's Day Envy


(That’s a lot to ask. Okay, she doesn’t have to be clean: a little sweat is sexy.)

But here’s my point: In attempting to share Mother’s Day, both moms get ripped off — and no one gets to be Queer Queen for a day.  Over to lesbian mom blogger Dana Rudolph who manages to get her point across in a much-less whiny way in this piece for the Stir:

There’s also no reason we can’t repurpose one of the holidays to fit our families, or to use the entire time between the two days to celebrate each of the many people whom we call “family,” including donors, surrogates, birth parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents of donors, etc. — whatever works for you. Make it into your own tradition. Hang one family member “apple” a day on a hand-drawn family tree — or orchard, if you prefer — each day between one holiday and the other, for example. Make a dinner at the end that celebrates the heritage or geographic locations of several parts of your family — or just their favorite foods.

Rob Watson also feels the dichotomy of Mother/Father’s Day excludes same-sex parents. He says he fills the role typically done by the “mom” at his house, something his son understood at the age of seven when he began making him Mother’s Day breakfast in bed.

Which brings me back to my point: Watson gets breakfast in bed one day a year for being a parent. And being a parent is wonderful, very hard work. It’s okay to take a day out to recognize that, and not be asked to share.

To each her own day, I say! (Hint to partner: we can start this Sunday, at our house.)

Meri Perra lives with her partner, two daughters, tiny cat and massive cargo bike in Toronto’s downtown east end. She recognizes her Mother’s Day fantasy is not based on any kind of reality – straight, queer or otherwise.

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