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Apparently there’s a popular Tumblr site called Reasons My Son is Crying.

I’m a bit late to the game on this one given that the book is already out, though as Bunch has already pointed out, the guy’s kid is probably crying because he looks like Ferris Bueller.

Perhaps I was drawn to the site because I watched Ferris Bueller while in labour, on rotation with stepping in and out of the shower, eating single bites of toast, popping Gravol and dramatically flinging myself onto the bed (as dramatically as it is possible when one is 5 days past the due date.) Anyway, it was on TV. But I digress.

This Reasons My Son is Crying site seems to be only apropos of the PostSecret generation of parents. A friend who lives far away and is a relatively new parent sent me the link, and in turn I, probably quite annoyingly, started sending her single line emails of reasons my own daughter was crying. For some reason that you can all quickly psychoanalyze yourselves, I find it more interesting to list these absurd reasons for you here than to send them into dude’s site.

Here are some of the reasons you might hear my daughter shrieking and screaming.

Reasons My Daughter is Crying

1. The pears aren’t ripe.

2. We can’t get off the plane mid-flight.

3. She doesn’t want to go pee/doesn’t have to go pee/already went pee/“Mooom, I went pee yesterday.”

4. She hates cheese and has decided there is cheese in her food, although there is not.

5. The subway is taking too long/is over-crowded/is any of the multitude of problems that is the TTC these days.

6. Some kid named Jonathan doesn’t like her pants. (This is likely made up/does she even know a Jonathan?/Do people even name children Jonathan these days? Do kids care about each others’ pants?)

7. She doesn’t like Jonathan’s name. (Maybe there’s a Jonathan, but I’ve never seen his art folder. This is right up there on the list of Problems We Can’t Fix. I like the name just fine FWIW.)

8. She has to go pee, but we’re on the overcrowded subway and it’s taking too long.

9. She hates my haircut.

10. She still hates my haircut.

11.  She wants glasses. It’s not fair that I have glasses, and her other parent has glasses, and she “never get[s] to have glasses.” She does not need glasses.

12. She wants peanut butter and we don’t have any.

13. She wants peanut butter at daycare.

14. She wants to bring my computer to daycare for “show and share.”

15. I won’t let her draw in my day-planner. (Yes, I use a paper one.)

16. I won’t let her change the calendar to the wrong month because she likes a different kitten better.

17. I won’t let her give herself (more) sharpie tattoos

18. She only wants to draw with a pink crayon. There is no pink crayon.

Tara-Michelle Ziniuk is a writer, editor and mama known to sometimes cry about things she can’t change.

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