Queer as Moms
Meri Perra roughs it with her family at LGTBQ camp
There is something about our family and vacations these days. They tend to be joyful disasters.
This past weekend we headed out to the first ever LGBTQ family camp organized by the LGBTQ Parenting Network. It was at the YWCA’s Camp Tapawingo, near Parry Sound. And, if you’re wondering, it was a camp, as in a kids’ camp. As in, the perfect place for a whole of extraverted, overly-happy young people who haven’t showered in days, sleeping like sardines in drafty, crumbling cabins camp.
The older I get, the clearer it becomes: I don’t camp unless it’s queer. I’m glad I attended Camp Trans 11-odd years ago and now I’m glad our family survived the two hours of getting out of Toronto traffic hell to go to LGBTQ family camp, as well. Read more...
Queer as Moms
Sometimes being a parent is a true test of strength—both emotionally and physically
The front hall of the ROM was in a-frenzy this past weekend. Grumpy kids and hassled parents’ foul moods were spreading like a bad case of pinkeye, with everyone scrambling to get out-of-the-museum-right-now.
I was dealing with one child’s dire need for raisins and another child’s discontent with her raincoat. I was hoping find to a rest room that didn’t have too much of a line-up before I really got in a bad mood.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a woman leaving with her two young children. She had a baby in a carrier, was pushing her older child in a stroller and had an infant car seat strapped to her back. She had a resigned look on her face that seemed to say “Walking around with two young children and three carrying contraptions is the most normal thing in the world, what?”. Read more...
Queer as Moms
Meri Perra shares how even the most harrowing trip can lead to perfect summer memories
I remember a few years ago, two friends of mine who hailed from Jamaica randomly asked, “Meri, why do white people always go to a cottage? What do you do up there?”
They were being slightly cheeky, yet genuinely curious at the same time.
I matched their cheekiness with a somewhat less-than-genuine answer. “We eat junk food, get dirty and sit by a lake.”
My friends told me they didn’t understand the appeal. Based on what I described, I could hardly blame them.
Now, three years after cancer has claimed one parent, and is slowly claiming another, memories are different. I seek out new, magic ones for my family, and treasure happy moments from the past.
So now, if cheeky, yet genuine, friends asked me to speak for white people and describe cottages, I’d explain them a whole lot differently. Read more...
Queer as Moms
While Meri Perra is on vacation, we’re rounding up the latest queer parenting stories
Dan Savage vs. Brian Brown
Back in April when writer, gay dad and self proclaimed “mouth runner” Dan Savage spoke at a high school in Seattle and stirred up controversy with some bible remarks, National Organization for Marriage Brian Brown challenged him. ”You want to savage the Bible? Christian morality? Traditional marriage? Pope Benedict? I’m here, you name the time and the place and let’s see what a big man you are in a debate with someone who can talk back.”
Savage took him up on that offer. Last week, that debate went down at Savage’s Seattle house, over dinner. Here are three highlights of their conversation, which spanned the bible and sexuality, fear of losing religious freedom, and what it would take to change their beliefs.
Back-to-school routines are a little different for gay second graders Read more...
Queer as Moms
While Meri Perra is on vacation, we’re rounding up the latest queer parenting stories
2 dads, 12 kids stick it to Pheonix
Among our favourite Esquire’s 2012 picks for Father’s of the Year: Steven and Roger Ham, two dads raising 12 kids in Pheonix, where legislators have tried to pass anti-gay adoption laws for years. The couple has been together for 19 years and has cared for over 30 foster kids in their home over the years. These awesome dads are inspiration for sticking it to a lack of rights.
New site for same-sex family planning
“A desire to have a family makes all hurdles surmountable”, according to gayparentstobe.com, a new site based out of Conneticut dedicated to educating same-sex couples about their family building options. Created from first hand feedback from the LGBT community, the site includes info on egg and sperm donors, location and transportation, and resources for financial and legal services. Read more...
Queer as Moms
Meri Perra weighs in on the gender trap
It was three-year old Lileith who spotted wood chips pile first. “Can we go over there and climb up that hill mommy, puh-leeze?” she asked.
We were enjoying an afternoon in High Park with some good friends. My two girls were playing with my friend’s five-year-old, Marco.
Lileith’s request was followed by a chorus of “can we-s” from the other two.
“Yes! Go for it!” us two moms said, hoping for an un-interrupted few minutes of conversation while our kids played.
We sat down. The three kids ran towards the pile. For a moment I wondered if Lileith could handle the climb. I got up, reluctantly, to help her, before she asked.
I was too slow. Lilieth ran up the pile, ran down the pile, and turned around to see the two older kids still struggling at the top. So she ran up and down the pile again. The she started to dance by herself at the bottom, swinging her arms and hips. Read more...
Queer as Moms
Meri Perra remembers an old friend
My daughter learnt about “old friends” at Pride this year.
How else do you explain these people to a five-year old?
They’re the so-and-so you know because they were your ex’s, ex’s roommate once, or you volunteered together, or whatever it was, you used to know each other, but it’s been years.
You say hello. Each of you gauges how the other has aged. It’s a micro- community connection that happens thousands of times during Pride. A reminder of our own bittersweet mortality; time passes, our lives and the people we know change, age, and pass on.
I saw Kyle Scanlon, an old friend, across the 519 Community Centre’s splash pad on Dyke Day. The space was on the verge of being taken over by the chaos of Pride-drunk adults. We were on the verge of making a quick exit with the kids. Read more...
Queer as Moms
Meri’s taking a break this week… join us next Friday for a new post
Queer as Moms is taking a break this week, but Meri Perra will be returning to give you more amazing stories from the LGBTQ parenting community next week!
Stay tuned for more awesome Queer as Moms content!
Photo from Tom and Katrien via Flickr
Queer as Moms
Meri Perra remembers her inspiring, savvy and awesome Nana
In one phone call last Sunday morning, everything changed.
I picked up to hear my mother-in-law in tears. Catharine’s beloved Nana had passed away, in her sleep, that morning.
She’d had the kind of death we all want: 90-years old, and in her own bed, Nana simply fell asleep and didn’t wake up. It was a peaceful end to a beautiful life.
But more importantly, Nana led the kind of life — with the love of life — that touched so many. She took joy in the simple things — she loved to work and she loved her family, passionately.
And then there was the sweet stuff. Sugar. Nana loved sugar. Her fridge was stocked with pop, cream and bags of sugar for her tea. Weighing less than 100 pounds, Nana took her cereal with cream and ate candy almost every day. I’ve never seen anyone spread so much butter on toast, or be quite so passionate about salt. Read more...
Queer as Moms
Meri readies her bike for Pride. But will her beloved Big Girl perform?
I’ve been writing recently about what can only be described as my tumultuous love affair with my Babboe cargo bike.
My Babboe is a sturdy, big Dutch gal that in the three or so months we’ve had her has proven to be a great, slow ride across town with the kids.
Except when I cause her damage and she breaks down, that is.
I’m starting to think our love affair is one-sided. At the least, my Cargo is afraid of commitment. Because when things get rough, she tends to quit on me. (Ok, the tires deflating after hitting her with120 lbs. of construction sand were my bad.) Read more...
Queer as Moms
Meri Perra shares her rough-and-tumble cargo bike misadventures
My adolescence was fraught with klutziness.
There was the time I ate too many cinnamon hearts and had a swollen tongue for days, or when I got a second-degree burn on my foot from spilling hot coffee, or when I chopped off a piece my thumb with the meat slicer at my deli job. And those are just highlights of 1992.
Now that I’ve reached the ripening age of 35, the clumsy attacks are back with
a vengeance. And they’re all directed at my shiny new cargo bike. It’s as though my new vehicle gets my juices flowing, in an overly confident, hormonally induced, illogical sort of way and rational flies out the window. Like being a teenager. Read more...
Queer as Moms
Meri Perra‘s family celebrates the dads they love
You know you’re in a single mother dominated neighbourhood when, the fanfare for Mother’s Day at daycare starts in, oh, April, and for weeks your little ones come home telling you they’ve got a “secret” for you for Mother’s Day, but they can’t tell you what it is, except that it includes a really big card and a paper box they’ve painted in your favourite colours, and there’s one for both mommies.
Then Father’s Day comes along, and it’s like: hold, up, wait a minute — it’s Father’s Day? And there’s not one peep about it.
Father’s Day is one of those questions us responsible lesbian moms are supposed to ask about. I remember responsibly asking the supervisor at day care, years ago.
The woman didn’t blink. “Do you know how many single moms we have here? We do Parents’ Day.” Read more...
